Yesterday I had the strangest sensation. I felt as if I was mourning the loss of myself. Part of me was dying and withering away and I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.
Anxiety and depression were knocking at the door, but as someone who has battled those things for my entire life, I was trying my best to identify the issue. The problem was, it wasn’t easily identifiable.
I felt as if I was losing part of myself that had been there forever. After some contemplation and wise counsel from my wife, I came to the conclusion that whatever was happening inside of me was a good thing. This kind of feeling has happened to me in the past when new opportunities for growth were on the horizon, so I knew my wife was on to something.
Sometimes we forget how powerful perspective can be. Sometimes we mourn the loss of things that our bad for us that we have found our identity in. Whether that is a toxic relationship, a life threatening addiction or in my case, the slow internal death brought by comfort.
Yes, comfort is what is dying inside of me and it needs to. To more accurately explain it, I would say that my desire to be comfortable in all circumstances is dying. It is being stripped away. I am letting it rot off of me. I am having those dead branches that provide no fruit in my life to be cut off so that real fruit and good fruit can come alive. But…
THIS. IS. PAINFUL.
Why is it painful? Because it’s not like this constant desire comfort is and external part of me. For my entire life it has been me. It feels apart like my arm or my leg does. Imagine a skin tag, birth mark, mole, or blemish that you want to remove from yourself. It’s been there for as long as you can remember and you would like for it to be remove but it feel like more of a hassle to get the cosmetic surgery than it is to just deal with it. Now picture falling into a lions cage and instead of the lion devouring you, the lion is completely focused on removing that blemish and only that blemish from your skin using his claws and he will hold you down and claw away at it until it comes off.
Graphic? Yes. Accurate? Also yes.
C.S. Lewis uses this illustration in the Chronicles of Narnia where a character has dragon scales on their skin that they cannot get off themselves and the only way to remove them is to have Aslan the King of Narnia (also a lion) painfully claw away at them until they are all off.
This process isn’t just removing the pursuit of comfort from my life. This process to remove it is extremely UNcomfortable and painful.
So how will the wound heal once the comfort is clawed away?
What branches will grow in it’s place now that the dead branches have been cut?
Discipline.
Definition: the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.
I am training myself to obey a new set of rules and code of behavior. The punishment for that disobedience? That which I now despise. Comfort. That will lead to frustration, anger, disappointment, so many other feelings that will not keep me comfortable for long. The short-term fight to stay comfortable will just lead to more discomfort. See why comfort needs to be removed from my life? Because comfort is a lie has held me back for years. It has stopped me from doing so much in my life. No more. Discipline now rules.
Jocko Willink repeats in his book Extreme Ownership that “discipline equals freedom.” Well guess what? I desperately need that freedom over the lie of comfort that I’ve always chosen before.
It’s the choice between temporary comfort and ultimate despair or temporary discomfort and ultimate freedom.
I choose freedom, therefore, I choose discipline.
Join me and let comfort die. How?
Consistently put yourself in uncomfortable yet beneficial situations.
– Take a cold shower
– Wake up at 4 AM
– Drink water and nothing else
– Choose the healthy meal that doesn’t taste as good
– Workout when you’re tired
– Choose to read over watching a show or movie
There are so many things that you can do to remove comfort. I know I will fail, but the goal isn’t perfection. The goal is progress. Don’t count how many times you fall, but count how many times you get back up to try again.
What does discipline look like for me? I’m not 100% sure yet. I know it means probably waking up at 4 or 4:30 AM. But outside of that, I don’t know. I’ll probably spend the entirety of this week trying to figure that out.
I hope that this encourages you and finds you well. Let’s take the steps to progress together.
Link Below:
Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Nacy Seals Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin
Jadner Lugo's Blog 